Confession

This is going to sound ridiculous. No seriously, it really is. But the truth is that every time someone comments to me that they read/have read my blog, I feel both surprised and slightly embarrassed.

I told you it would sound ridiculous. After all, I’m writing a blog for Christ’s sake. It is by nature public and meant to be read. There’s something fundamentally arrogant about a blog because it is predicated on the notion that you have something to say that other people would benefit from hearing (reading).

I’d like to claim I’m writing this for K someday (partly true) or as a means for capturing the essence of life’s moments (also partly true because my memory is crap), but it’s equally true that I could accomplish both of those things without making those same musings public.

I’ve never really explored the reasons why I decided to start this blog, which is fairly shocking since I’ve been known to wallow in introspection from time to time. I’m not particularly certain I’m prepared to do so now either. I don’t think it’s pure arrogance (though do the arrogant really know?) – I don’t even really think it’s much arrogance at all, though as per my previous point, there must be some.

I know that:

  • I like to write. And I like that a blog forces me to think about writing. I also know that I would be a terrible fiction-writer, and that my writing is best when in a more essay-like form.
  • I do want to capture moments for myself and for K. I can’t remember what happened last week, let alone last year. Ten years from now, oy. Forget it. So it’s nice to have a reason to capture things in the moment.
  • I like to spark conversation. I’m still being a little cautious about what I write and how I write it – this blog isn’t anonymous after all, and it’s linked to my Twitter account. Given all the professional horror stories we’ve heard, and particularly given that I am a marketer, frankly I’m taking a risk in writing this at all. Hopefully I won’t regret it. But I do like to spark discussion.
  • I’m a sharer. I see something fun or interesting or cool or whatever, and I want to share. Can’t help it. This way at least I’m not spamming my friends the same way I did when I first got on email. (Sorry about that…)

I’m sure there are other reasons too, but that’s all I can think of for right now. And yet – despite all these reasons – I remain incredibly surprised and slightly embarrassed when someone comments to me in person that they’ve been reading my blog. Don’t get me wrong: I’m flattered. I just don’t know how to handle it. What’s interesting is that I don’t have the same reaction when people comment on the blog posts or on the Facebook links to the blog. It’s just when someone brings it up to me in person.

It’s almost as if I think of my blogging life as somehow separate from my “real” life. This semi-secret thing that I do on the side.

I told you it was ridiculous.

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